Hi everyone! For those of you that follow me on my lifestyle Youtube series, the slow but painful erosion of my character may have been evident in the past few episodes, but let's talk a little bit about what got me there without violating any agreements.
Colourism, micromanagement and an inauthentic nature aside (those are pretty big ones for me) a complete disregard to the lawful provision of employee necessities such as a proper employment visa, which in turn affected my ability to open a bank account, which in turn affected my ability to have a proper Emirates Id, which in turn affected my ability to have healthcare was what lead to me handing in my resignation. However, several other factors affected my ultimate decision.
I vividly remember one altercation when three months into my role the powers that be resorted to telling me that I would have to fly out with the assistance of my own travel agent as my existing visa couldn't be transferred due to the possibility that I may have a criminal record. I who has never stepped foot into a police station in my life. Having asked quite frustratedly as to why this was happening, I was met with a fit of rage by the owner who said, and I quote ' Doing this is actually an inconvenience to us.' Needless to say, in the same yelling match, it* also insisted that if I didn't like it I find other employment. That my friends, should have been my first sign, to say goodbye, and walk out the door. However, I stayed, and boy did I regret it.
Over the course of the next five months the world was hit by COVID-19 and as predicted me and the small team were put on 2 months no-paid leave ( or at least I was, as the owner ensured this period was given to us right before my probation period came to a close) but nevertheless I worked as much as I could from home, without being asked to do so. Finally after the two months I received a call saying the new rules would be a salary cut, and fewer days necessary in the physical office, but a full working week. Still, unwilling to embrace the signs, I once more agreed. Assuring myself that the rewards of employment outweighed my now trembling hands, dark circles, erratic sleep patterns and lack of enthusiasm for outside activities. However, in the two months of unpaid leave, a slow blossom of hope began to grow in my mind, and one fine day I acknowledged it.
But, after going back into work it was clear that nothing much had changed, every professional choice I made was deconstructed, shredded and basically reassembled based on the ever changing mood of my employer. To add to the constant belittlement, comments such as 'I don't want to see any more asian's on your lists' or 'You know how Emiratis feel about black people' were aplenty. I was working for a self-hating asian, who (no surprise) believed that the epitome of beauty and success came from any and all association with Whiteness/White Culture, Fairer Skin and businesses that were similarly associated with the, UK/EU expat community of Dubai. Everyone else, was not 'the aesthetic' and finally, it dawned on me. The reality of why I had endured this treatment for so long and why I was undecided up until then to leave.
As POC (People of Colour) we, the generation that has grown up outside of our home countries have been taught by our elders to always value what we have, because so many back home have so little or nothing at all. We the coloured kids, young and grown adults are taught to stand up for ourselves but never ask for too much, have values but be humble, real for success but never try and fight your oppressors. Keep your head down and work hard, even if it breaks your soul in the process. I, who through every stage of my life have fought for the acceptance and individuality I now boldly possess and I who have stood up against racism, colourism and acts of hate against minorities such as myself, had let these subconsciously rooted lessons of old stop me from listening to myself. My intuition, and yours is what will ultimately give you the happiness and success you need, and it took 6 months for me to realise that in order to truly be successful I needed to leave this job, in the middle of a global pandemic, and face what would happen, because the alternative was a choice I could no longer live with.
And so,I left. I'm not going to re-hash my notice period that was also cut short as the owner basically tried to get me to sign a document which alleged I'd received my dues when I had not, and upon confrontation with the help of MOHRE (who saved me with multiple free calls from Labour Attorneys) I was informed my services would be halted immediately. Now, a month later, I'm getting my life back on track. My booming anxiety and shortness of breath is a not-too distant but not too close memory and my skin has regained its lustre, while mentally I am more focused than ever. Moral of the story is, as POC we have to fight harder for what we are owed, better jobs, better pay, better projects, and everyday we spend lining the pockets of another bigoted individual and organisation we are shaming the ancestors that fought so hard for us to have a equal seat at the table. So, the next time you heard a racist remark, feel undervalued, and aren't being provided with the most basic of employee requirements, please remember that a non-poc would never been in that role because they would never tolerate it, so why should we?
I'm going to end with a quote I love, I believe it was Oprah that spoke it into existence for me "If they don't give you a seat at the table, BRING A DAMN FOLDING CHAIR.'!!!
Comentarios